So for a long, long, looooong time I had been seriously contemplating cutting my hair. Not a trim. Not a few inches, even. But like, seriously whacking most of it off. I had been growing it out, and was close to my favorite length, which is just below the bra strap. But for a variety of reasons, I felt it was time to let go of the hair. The security blanket.
If I only feel pretty or feminine with long hair maybe I need to get rid of it in order to gain more self-confidence. Which, yes, I need. Not sure how obvious that is or isn't to those who spend face-to-face time with me but it's something I've struggled with my whole life. I've improved some in the last few years but it's still something I'm working on. And really what adult woman wants to feel like it's
only her hair that makes her attractive? That's not right. Not biblical. Our beauty and worth comes from so much more than hair! I know the whole hair-is-your-glory thing, but I don't think that means you have to have waist long hair. So I cut mine. Especially considering my hair is not super-anything. It was just average-ish. My hair isn't thin, but it is fine, which makes it look thinner than it actually is at times because it doesn't have a lot of body (except if I let it air dry but that takes FOREVER so I rarely do) due to the silkiness, and I just never felt confident that I had "good enough" hair to keep it long, even though I almost always
did have it long (even as a child I never wanted to cut my hair short, except for that one time when I decided I wanted to look like Marty Stouffer from "Wild America" and how else could I get a beard and mustache if I didn't cut off my hair? He is 65 now, btw. Whaaaa?!).
There were Other Things that factored strongly into my decision to make the cut. But I won't get into that stuff because I don't wanna.
So here is the old look (yes, looking at this picture DOES make me miss my longer hair, but I have to remind myself that that was a particularly good hair day; who does profile pictures on bad hair days?):
And here is the new look (although this is not the best photo, lighting-wise):
So there you go. I whacked off my hair and so far I don't regret it. Oh yeah, see the "diy" label? Yup, did it myself, and I somehow (miraculously) got it even!
I hear ya loud and clear! When I was larger, 20-25 pounds ago, I fussed over my hair and grew it out. It's long now. It's a couple inches past my bra strap. But I felt that if I couldn't be pretty with my body at least my hair could be pretty. I too have really fine hair and it has taken me years to get it long because it splits and breaks so easily. Having long beautiful hair was and kinda is that one thing that I could hold on to that was beautiful about me after I lost my last baby, and was abused by my church, gained weight and sunk into a hole of depression. It's been 4 years now and I'm literally only 7 pounds away from my weight goal so I'm slim again (I'm sitting between a size 6 and 8), but cutting my hair is something I'm not ready to do yet because it's been something I could focus on for four years while I climbed out of the pit and healed emotionally and spiritually. It may seem silly to some and even vain (I'll admit that, yes) but having long hair made me feel beautiful about myself when I looked in the mirror instead of being crushed by insecurities over the constant visual reminder (my weight caused by depression) of how my former church had abused me to the point of almost hopelessness. It's so bad I haven't updated my profile in 4 years! I may have to do that soon!
ReplyDeleteOh...and I cut my own hair too! EVERY time I go to a hair dresser they cut it crooked!
It's amazing to me how attached we can get to our hair. I guess it probably shouldn't be surprising, considering how appearance-focused our culture is! But it really did feel like a security blanket to me and being without is a little scary, even now, weeks later. I still have days where I put on extra make-up to "make up" for not having long hair. But I'm learning, little bit by little bit to see myself differently and hopefully not obsess so much about my appearance (not to say that having long hair is always some sort of pride thing -- it definitely isn't and I don't begrudge anyone keeping long hair, but for me, cutting it felt almost necessary!). It helps that my husband really likes it, and even thinks my dorky little ponytail is cute (I honestly think it just looks dorky, but sometimes I still just need my hair out of my face!).
DeleteThat's awesome that you're so close to your goal weight! Go you! That must feel amazing. Especially considering the emotional side of it all. I'm happy for you!
What is the deal with hair dressers? I quit trying because they never did what I wanted! One time I even specifically said I was growing my bangs OUT and to leave them alone, and before I realized what was happening, she cut them short! Gaaah!